Feeling uninspired by scripture | Scripture Series

You know what, it will not always be easy to read Gods word. Maybe right now you are full of passion and excitement. On every page, God speaks to your heart, encourages you, lifts you up. In every chapter you discover something new and it's so wonderful. But maybe, just maybe, you knew how it felt to read Gods word that way, but not anymore. Maybe every time you read something it's a confrontation with the difficult truth, a conformation of the voice inside you that says: you are not good enough. You feel like the words aren't speaking to you, they are surely meant for someone else..

This is happening to me right now: I feel uninspired. I feel like I am doing the wrong things, I feel like I can't hear Gods voice anymore. But still  I see God, in little things, like He is speaking directly to me, through other people. This is something I forget, all the time: God is a creative God. He is The Creator. He comes  up with the most extraordinary ways to reach me, when I was running away again, Jonah style.

So I have a friend group from university, who aren't Christians except me and one other girl. And we were having a Secret Santa night the other night. Me and my friend were going to pray before dinner and one of them asked if we were going to pray out loud. So I got to pray in front of/for my friends, thank God for them and bless them. How amazing is that?! I see God at work. And maybe you read this and think: that sounds good and all, but stuff like that doesn't happen to me, or my colleagues and/or friends despise my faith, or that isn't something that's in my nature. I just want to say: keep reading Gods word, keep seeking the Lord in scripture and prayer. If you can't find Him, He will find you:)

'Surround yourself with godly people' is something Jefferson Bethke always says and I agree. Find people around you who are in good rhythms in scripture and in prayer. Although I would also recommend you to listen to podcasts, read books about scripture, I also say: don't forsake the Bible. You might be busy with the Bible: thinking about it, reading about it, listening to people talking about it. but Gods word is His word, and it is so important to keep reading, letting yourself get filled up with His words. You need it. I need it.

I just want you to know that I am writing this for me as much as I am writing this for you. I find it so hard. While writing this, I noticed how God has worked the last couple of weeks.
There is just one more thing I want to say: keep some sort of diary, where you write down prayers, things that God did in your life. Because when you find yourself in that place of feeling uninspired and lonely again, you can read back and see how God has worked and how He answered prayers, maybe even in ways you never expected Him to.

Let Him surprise you. Trust Him.

Lots of love,

Hannah

When I am breaking down, He will lift me up | Scripture Series

Overwhelmed. That is how I am feeling right now. I feel overwhelmed by school, my new job, friends, life in general really. But most of all God. His love is so abundant and present. Sometimes it is almost scary.

This weekend I was at youthweekend in Lunteren. (Meet & Discover) The theme was 'Pray better' (Beter bidden, in Dutch). We gathered together around the cross (there were 85 of us young people, ages 17-23, and 8 mentors) and learned how to pray, what to pray and what prayer means. But most of all I learned how prayer is a weapon and how to use it to fight the right fight. While I am writing this, this verse comes to heart:

"But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 

This is in 1 Timothy 6: 11-12. This saturday we watched the movie War Room. I think this verse fits that movie perfectly. Fight the good fight of faith. Isn't that amazing? God wants us to fight, because we are His warriors. He wants us to stand up and stand in His promises.

I know, sometimes it feels like Gods promises are used up or someone else was there to stand in that promises before you and now you feel like it is no use. This is not true. God wants you to take responisibility for your own actions, but also as His child.

I am very sorry if this suddenly started sounding preach-y, but this is something I need to tell myself, too. Maybe I am the one that needs to hear this most of all. God in command, eventhough I might feel overwhelmed by all of the things. Sometimes this feeling of being overpowered is a good thing, because it shows who is in controle: God is! 

Just now, I googled verses that tell me that God is in control of my life and I found this verse:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

This, my dear friend, is who my God is. He is loyal, kind and He is my strength and my King. He will uphold me when I am no longer capable of standing on my own two feeth, which, let's be honest, is almost all of the time. Because I can not do this alone.

Less than three,

Hannah

Reevaluating my choices

This week I have been thinking about a lot of things. Among those things was a slightly alarming thought that I ought to be keeping a blog, to keep track of my proficiency progress. As technology is amazing these day, I am able to make it look like I uploaded twice a week on the right day, yet this is not the truth. The truth is that I have been lacking inspiration to write anything, except in moments of extreme emotion or deep nightly-I-should-be-sleeping-thought, that I probably will never post on the internet. Because, as all of you understand, even though I will share an awful lot on the internet, some things are, in fact, private.

"Why do you have so many blogs?" A teacher asked, when I told her about my love for blogging at the beginning of this project. I did not have to think about that for one second. I was a very enthusiastic 14-year-old and the thing I loved most was pouring my heart out in new projects. And it was great. Especially at the beginning. The end .. not so great, merely because of the fact that I would never finish it. I would start something. It would be quite good at first, but over time I would loose interest. Only because it just didn't challenge me anymore. I got bored, I stopped putting time and energy into it. As a result: the project was forgotten. That is why I now am kind of skilled at drawing and I am kind of skilled at playing the guitar and I played violin for a few years and I barely passed my havo exams. The list goes on and on. But I was answering the question why I have so many blogs? The things is.. a blog doesn't 'end'. It is not like a book with a beginning and an ending. It's just there, if you know what I mean. So, I think that was very appealing to me. I could start with enthusiasm, over and over and over again. So, I feel like reevaluating my love for blogging. That is what you are about to read: my reevaluation.


As a teenager, any possible chance I got to get my voice out into the world, trying to make a difference, thinking it would make one, I grabbed. As probably a lot of teenagers would do. My 'chance', if you will, was the phenomenon 'blogging'. I did not read any blogs. Nor did I know anyone who blogged. Honestly, I don't even know how I got to blogging. I just did. And I had a fabulous time doing it. I never doubted the fact that anyone would read my blogs, ever, but still .. I heard of this girl named Anne Frank, who kept a diary and it made her famous. For good reason, I might add: she gave the world an insight into her heart, in the midst of a war. It is heartbreaking and it gave and gives people one thing, the one thing we all want: hope. As a conclusion, I launched blog post after blog post containing all my teenage angst and emotion into the world. My poems, which contained personal views as well as views from other people (which some people still don't understand: I suck at debating, yet I can perfectly write a poem that is drenched in emotion about a topic that I wholeheartedly do not agree with). Furthermore, I wrote teenage love stories, stories about adventures I would probably never go on. And I journal-ed (is that even a word? Probably not.). I kept an online-dairy. I just wrote what happened in a day, how I felt. Yet as I look back at these blog posts, they only reach a certain surface level. I almost never mentioned to anyone, not even to myself, how I really felt back then. I am very grateful for my enthusiastic teenage-self. For the courage and confidence I had to put those things on the actual internet.


As an older teen, reading all these fiction - I repeat: fiction - books about teens my age actually making that difference, it made me realize something. It was fake. The difference they made in those books: it wasn't real, so why would my pathetic blog posts make any difference. Luckily, I am not a pessimistic person, at all. In fact, I am a very positive and hopeful person. So I also realized that writing in general helped me think, helped me create and helped me become more myself and a better person. As you realize by now: I did not make the difference I thought I would make when I was 15. I do however still believe in what I once read in a book about a 16-year-old fighting the system: I believe in small acts of bravery. Not even conquering or saving necessarily, but the act of trying your very best to achieve something better for the world around you.


So I was wondering if I still loved blogging as much as I did 6 years ago. And I do. Just in a different way. I still love having my voice heard, but now probably in a less obnoxious and a much more reserved, more thought through way. I want people to look at things from more than only their own perspective. There is beauty is raw and unedited writing, but there might be more value, in the long haul, in writing that comes from a peaceful mind and a place of thoughtfulness. 




Less than three,


a teacher-to-be,


\Hannah

Proficiency 2: Start a blog | September 8th #year2

Dear reader,

As I am currently at the start of my second year in uni. And one of the assignments is to start a blog to keep track of activities and/or creative writing and everything else that has to do with Proficiency in English, I thought I would just start a new 'series', if you will, on here.

So one of the Proficiency assignments to pass this class is to create a blog and keep it up, posting there at least twice a week. Of course, I will challenge myself to blog everyday. (at least for this semester, which means the coming 8 weeks) I am already excited.

So the aims of Proficiency 2 are as followed:

1) Ignite independent study by means of language awareness classes

2) Improve vocab and active use of synonyms in conversation/writing

3) Pass CPE (Cambridge Proficiency Exams) year 2 and/or 3

4) Learns how to write and essay (250 -1200 words). This aim supports British Arts in Context: we have to write 2 essays to pass that class

5) Improve and facilitate reading

6) Improve speaking (be more specific and use synonyms) and pronunciation

I thought I would just write down my thoughts and feelings on the aim of Proficiency 2. The aims that stand out for me are: 1) because I don't really get what it means/is. I am curious to see what 'language awareness classes' are. I will be having those on Tuesday with my homegroup. So will see how that goes. 4) because I barely passed my CPE Writing exam last year. I made a mnemonic for myself, and it helped a little.. But now I wonder how I will pass this year test. The thing is.. I quite confident in my writing in English. As you can see, I don't mind putting my English writing on the internet, as I never did. In comparison to my speaking, that a whole different story. So I would like to find out what cause me to only just pass my Writing last year. Also, last year was all about just passing the exam, because my goal for last year was to get my 'first-year diploma', for lack of a better word, and I did. So now thing are getting serious. ;) kind of. and last but not least (actually the one I sort of worry about the most) 6) improve speaking (be more specific and use synonyms) and pronunciation. As I said earlier, I had to take my CPE Speaking Exam twice. And it was nerve wrecking, which I find quite strange, because although I used to be so scared to talk in front of groups or anything like that, I no longer am and a Speaking exam is only with a fellow student and a teacher speaking about topics.. So will see how that goes.

I am excited to improve my English especially my accent:)

A homework assignment we got at the beginning of this week was to keep a diary of what English input and output (listening and reading being input and speaking and writing being output) 

So that's what I'll put in my blog as well. 

This weeks diary:

- listening to music (JJ Heller Monday-Friday, Handsome Poets on Thursday)

- reading Jamaica Inn (on the train on Tuesday, in the HEMA on Wednesday, in a friends house on Wednesday, in bed on Wednesdayevening)

- Youtube (Threadbanger, Doddleoddle, Fleur DeForce, Emma Blackery, Jenna Marbles, Alyssia from Mind of Munch, Sorted Food) 

- reading Finding Colin Firth(Wednesday night)

- writing a blog post(Thursday)

- reading up on Blackboard(Thursday afternoon)

One thing I want to address, to myself and to you as witnesses, is that I have to STOP DROPPING MY T's. I thought it made me sound cool, but it doesn't. It just makes me fail my Speaking exam. And apparently it is not allowed in RP English. (which is the same as Algemeen Nederlands in Dutch) 

Okay, so I think that this is it for this blog post. I am happy about this post :) I hope you enjoyed reading about what I'm up to with my studies. 

Love,

Hannah

Nieuwe hobby

Hoi!

Zoals zo ongeveer 14 keer in een jaar, heb ik een nieuwe hobby gevonden. Natuurlijk is deze hobby echt echt serieus. Veel serieuzer dan een trui leren breien, baby speeltjes en knuffels naaien met de hand, beroemd blogger en instagrammer(niemand vind mijn leven zo boeiend, dus dat heb ik op gegeven), flowersticks (en daarbij natuurlijk een carriere bij een wereld beroemd circus), makeup artiest(dit is wel een beetje serieus, als je wilt dat ikje makeup kom doen voor een leuk prijsje, dan kan ik dat:)). Ja, veel serieuzer. Namelijk: handlettering. Oh ja, en Pinterest. Bij handbelettering hoort natuurlijk een prachtige carierre als professioneel Pinterest-er. (ik zit er net 1 dag op). Even terug naar mijn nieuwe hobby. Cursussen enzo, daar doe ik niet aan. Ik heb natuurlijk talent enzo, dus ik zoek gewoon wat plaatjes op van Pinterest, wat niet moeilijk is, heb eerst geoefenend met marker op A4tjes en heb vervolgens een pakje met 10 fineliners van de HEMA gekocht en een pakje met 50 lege A6 kaartjes. Hoera! En wat is het leuk! En super hip natuurlijk. Alle coole mensen doen dit tegenwoordig, dus dan moet ik me er ook maar aan wagen. In middels heb ik al trouwkaartjes ontworpen, verjaardagskaartjes, zomaarkaartjes.. Verzin iets en ik zet het op een kaartje.

Even een disclaimer: dit blogje was natuurlijk best wat overdreven zo af en toe, neem alles dus met een korreltje of meer eetlepel zout.

Nu even sarcasme aan de kant. Ik vind het echt heel erg leuk om te doen. Zie hier onder wat resultaten. Ook lijkt het me fijn om weer eens wat meer te gaan bloggen. Dus wie weet, zie je hier weer eens wat verschijnen.

Liefs,

Hannah