The bracelets

They do the job
you know
the bracelets
they get the job done
some more on my left wrist
some less on my right
You know,
I try to hide it
'cause people tend to get
offensive
But,
you know,
I just brush it off
I smile it off
because they don't know what they're talking about
The bracelets
I have a love-hate relationship with them

I felt the pain
Maybe not in my wrists
But in my heart
I felt the pain
I know what it does to you
I don't want you to go throught it
too
I had the pain
written in my eyes
For somebody to see
But no one saw
That's how it felt
To me

And now?
I value life
I value my life
And thats why
I always tell people
Thats why
I always tell
myself
To keep smiling!
Because life gets better
in time

But,
you know,
if you want to know,
next time
Just ask me the story
behind my smile
Not behind
my bracelets

////////////////////////////////
Now, I want to clear out:
that I never (tried to) hurt myself or tried to take my own life. Not physically.
But I know the thoughts and I know how it feels.
I know how it feels to not feel good enough.
Or to not feel worth it. I know how it feels, when no one seems to listen to what you want to say. To cry yourself to sleep.
I was some one who hit their feelings by laughing a lot and talking very loud, and being the most positive, out going person in the world. People always look at me like that: Hannah is someone who sees everything so positive, and I do. I really do. I have an extreme positive out look on live and I am so fortunate to have this out look on life, but it hasn't always been so easy, you know. Seeing everything in a positive day-light doesn't always make everything so easy. By pretending to be happy all the time, I shut people out of how I actually felt..
I'm happy, though, that I still have that positive out look. And I think I can help you. Because I know that every one has their own story. So please, know that you are not alone.

Honest people are the most beautiful people. Be honest with yourself and with what you feel, because it's okay to feel what you feel. But I really really recommend to not hold it in. Let it out. Write it down, that helps for a lot of people. Please, do not keep it to yourself.

This poem and story are inspired by Kimmi, she makes Youtube videos on the interwebs and in this video she tells her story. It's very beautiful and shocking and honest and brave. I certainly do not hope you can relate to her story, but if you do I hope it helps you!!!

You are not alone!

If it's not okay, it's not the end,
Hannah