What is home.

You often hear a word around town about the big cities. How they never sleep. Well, I think this is actually true now I’m here in this city. So alive it almost hurts. Sometimes I get confused. ‘In which city am I exactly?’ But the souvenir shops never fail to let me know; as they are screaming: LONDON CITY BABY. You’re in London, silly.

With its American diners, Japanese take-aways, Thai lunchrooms, Garfunkel’s and Nando’s. The artists never fail to surprise me. And history is always there to support me, ‘Did this actually happen?’ You walk into some museum (You can just walk in, because they’re practically all free) and it immediately lets you know: ‘Yep. It did.’

When I get lost, which is more often than I would like to admit, because I’m SUCH a city girl, there will always be an Underground station to tell me where I am and where to go to get back on track.

Sometimes it feels like I’ve walked for hours and then suddenly Charing Cross station, my familiar Charing Cross station, pops up and lets me know with a shrug that I’ve been walking in circles for at least 45 minutes already.

Whether they admit it or not, everybody comes to the city looking for something. Where it’s adventure, romance, familiarity, traces of the past, a career or just some place to call home. Everybody is looking for something

You can feel awfully alone in a big and crowded city such as this one and I speak from experience. You can go unnoticed for a day or two. You can come without telling anyone. And leave, without telling anyone

The clouds had their silver spark and the sun infected the sky with her red, yellow and purple dye. The ombre effects spread through the sky, mixed with the blue sky as background all kinds of colors turn up. As I walked down one of the many bridges over the Themes, a beautiful, breathtaking picture was weaved over the waters and the skyline of this amazing city. And I couldn’t help but stop and stare as the world moved past me. I wish I could freeze this moment and relive it when I got home.

I wished for a lot of things when I stood there. Pressured into walking a few steps, I do so. The wind chasing the sunbeams and as it is the first day of November, it was a cold but cheerful wind.

I hope to see that sight again, you know, with my special person: you. But I also want to show it to my mum and my dad and my sisters. I want to share it with the ones that are special to me. Because being there on that bridge, looking over something so awesome, made me feel special.

Entering the Southbank made me feel uncool. All the coolness that I still felt in me vaporized; guys in baggy sweaters and shirts and beanies, with skateboards.

Being part of something special makes you special, right? Right? The skaters and skateboarders on the edge of the Southbank along the Themes looked like they were part of something, maybe something bigger than themselves. And they looked content. They didn’t mind the people watching. When one fell it was okay. Maybe even cool: Just get back up and move on. That’s a lesson learned, I guess: Fall, laugh, learn, stand up, move on, do it again and again. That’s what makes you only human and it makes you stronger. Maybe you take on a few scars, but every one of them would represent a life lesson. I wish I could be part of it though, but I moved on not wanting to wonder and stay in this state of mind to long.

I wished you were here, on that river side. Wished you were there to hold me and wish, wonder and learn with me.

I wish I could show you all the sweet little places we could have tea together. The place we could kiss and laugh and talk about our past, present and future, together.

Because although this city starts to feel like it could be home: A beautiful, restless home. I’d never really feel at home, without you.

The famous Covent Garden came on my path much unexpected. Reminding me it’s ‘almost’ Christmas, as there was an in-your-face, big-ass Christmas tree on the spot. And reminding me ever so gently that although I love people, I’m not really font of big crowds and to define those moments on the Jubilee Marked and a little stroll through Coven Garden even more: it was crowded.

And now finally after a shameful meal at McDonalds, as I just felt hungry, tired and lost, I’m back on the Southeastern line, headed back to my lovely bed, thinking about my life here in the Greater city.

I miss home, but if I would be home I would miss this. And what would I call home, if I’d go live in Paris next year…

For now London is my home. Although I still have to make myself believe this.

Less than three,

A teacher to be,

Hannah